The “Fight” of The Navigator

This is my last installment dealing with the world of electronic devices we have come to depend upon so much these days. 

We claim we humans are the most intelligent creatures on the planet but we require navigation equipment to get around even in heavily inhabited cities. Sad to say we’re put to shame by the migratory prowess of most butterflies who can travel literally thousands of miles each year to the exact same location they were the year before (even though they can’t think logically enough to dodge the windshield of my car). We humans can at least get out of the way of a moving car only to end up lost in the back streets of Honduras while attempting the same migratory route as the above mentioned butterfly. 

Which brings me to the subject, On~Star.

How much does On-Star know about what we’re doing in our cars anyway? It’s like Big Brother has finally managed to take over Detroit. Anything happens in the car and they (On Star) know it even before the people riding in the car with you.

Sure a few things are nice, for instance, if you get in a wreck they can tell you that  you just hit a tree.

“Mr. Johnson?  Our sensors indicate that you just hit a ‘Sproa-tasious-splendorama’ of the perennial variety. Is this correct?”

Huhhhh?….whhhaaat?….trrreeee?

“Yes Mr. Johnson, you hit a tree”.

 

Or what about: 

 

“Mr. Johnson our sensors indicate that you farted and the air quality in the passenger compartment is now at a level which would be considered extremely uncomfortable for your passengers.”

“It wasn’t me, it was the baby!”

“Mr. Johnson, the sensors in YOUR seat indicate it came from YOUR position in the  car.”

“I’m telling you….”

“Mr. Johnson; last nights slow cooked pot roast, smothered in onions and potatoes……and besides, the baby’s still on formula.”

“Dang it!”

 

And it has to be an interesting life for the folks at On Star who get to monitor people’s cars and the things they do in them.

 

“Hey Frank, check out what the sensors in this Lincoln Town Car just registered, some guy’s pick’n his nose and eat’n it, ssheeez thats’ bad!” 

“Who’s it register to?’

“Uh….. it’s…. a..uhhh.. let’s see… a Mr. Johnson” 

“Oh, the farter!”

“Is that the same guy?”

“Yup, sure is, and just last year he hit a fully grown  Sproa-tasious-splendorama.”

“Was it of the perennial variety?”

“Yup, …… sure was.”

“That’s sad.”

No Sensor-Chip

In my last post I discussed the vital part navigation equipment is playing in our lives (not mine, I can get along fine without it). It would appear there are people out there who think we need to be told where we are, or where we’re going, believing we need an additional source of input by a non human entity.

Today my wife got a call letting us know that snow was falling really heavy about ten miles east of where we live. It doesn’t take much for my wife to want to seek out falling snow, she’s like those people who chase tornados but without the risk of being sucked into the air along with dairy cows, old houses and grumpy ladies on bicycles. So we thought, “Hey, why don’t we head up there, eat breakfast and watch the snow fall?” So off we went to a small logging community about thirty minutes from our home where there’s a great little cafe with fairly decent coffee and great pancakes, besides the crowd that gathers there is pretty colorful to say the least. After finishing some hash browns, two over easy eggs and one to many cups of coffee we decided to head back home via country back roads. Needless to say these roads aren’t as heavily traveled as the the main highways requiring a little more attention to how you’re driving. We were moving along down this country back road enjoying the sights, so much so that I had taken my attention away from being diligent on my attentiveness to the road conditions. When it’s snowy on the road you have to give yourself a little more room for getting around the upcoming corner not to mention approaching it at a slower rate of speed. (Just a small oversight). As I came into the corner it was not quite right considering the snow, I kind of knew it even before I hit the corner and I pretty much anticipated what we were in for but I took the turn just the same, after all going straight won’t make things any better. Sure enough we began to slide slightly, but hey,this is my wife’s 2006 SUV, we have four wheel drive and a system that senses any slippage in one wheel and transfers drive to the appropriate wheels to help you get around the corner, really it does that! (not to mention anti-lock braking) Regardless of all these great innovations you still tighten up a little, grab the wheel just enough to make your knuckles turn white, and hold your breath until you’re out of the slide. It’s normal!  So, all of these systems kicked in doing what they’re suppose to do along with one thing I had no idea the car was equipped with. As I was sliding around this corner (white knuckled, not breathing yet in total control) this alarm starts going off on the dash with a little flashing light showing a car skidding. I get through the turn, like I thought I would and I ask my wife, “What the heck was that?” Talk about an annoying sound? I found a part of the road where I could slide again and that alarm goes off! Again! First it’s really annoying AND let’s you know you’re sliding!  REALLY? DUH!? I’m SLIDING?!! You know, when I’m in the middle of a slide, which is an exhilarating experience in the first place, the last thing I need is someone in the car screaming let alone a non-human! 

Sure it’s an alarm, but through electronic translation it’s screaming, “We’re sliding, we’re sliding and we’re all going to die! The ditch is coming, the ditch is coming and we’re all going to die! 

It’s one thing to want electronic equipment to know where you’re going but it’s another thing to be told what’s going on. What’s next?

“You hit a cat”

 ”You hit a dog” 

“You hit a cow” 

“There’s a deer lodged in your front window, take the hunting knife provided in the survival pouch located in your glove box, slit the deers throat and push it out over the hood” 

As I have said before, I’m not into “sensor-chip”,  so shut up!

Getting Where We’re Going

In these days of GPS systems, On~Star, and Tom Tom’s (electronic devices  designed to help us from getting lost in this confusing world) I have to wonder what kind of person was it who in the 1400’s (or earlier) could get in a wooden ship with a few simple navigational tools (batteries not included) and actually find some place they had never seen? Granted Columbus thought he had found China when actually he hit South America, but still the jist was on the mark. Once found they were making regular trade routes back and forth to Europe with very little effort. I have to wonder why it is that with Interstate highways, road sings, truck stops, rest areas, and factory outlet malls plopped every few miles along the way we need “things” to help us “get there”? Is it just a high tech way of not having to ask for directions? How far can we drive along a paved road before we face the fear of nearly missing a continent, or a city, or never seeing people again? Are we that much at risk? Let me know if this is true! Is there no one in the city of Portland who knows how to give directions to a person from Salem who doesn’t know the “west side” as well as they should?

It seems we’re not the intelligent creatures we claim to be,…. why? I’m sitting here watching a news story about a leather backed turtle, tracked by marine biologists from Indonesia to Oregon. 647 days, and over 12,000 miles (factoring in meandering). that’s pretty darned good considering it was under water!

Was the turtle really shooting for Oregon or did he miss China? I don’t know.

Were the marine biologists unable to get to Oregon on their own and decided to follow the turtle rather than run the risk of dying at sea? I don’t know.

I think the turtle wanted to get some where and got there!  Cool!  

Ok, I just couldn’t help it

Once I got started I just couldn’t stop  

Chuck Norris